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I get it, the emotional turmoil you go through during HA recovery is not always pleasant - in fact, it bought up some of the most intense feelings I have ever felt. It had me questioning all sorts, from how I felt about my body, what truly made me happy in life, and who I wanted to be as a person... like I said, intense right?!
I took a full 180 during my recovery, from being the kind of girl that ALWAYS wanted to control everything (literally down to the number of steps I would do in a day, to the calories I needed to burn and the macro's I thought I should consume) to someone who is now able to let go, be kinda groovy and go with the flow.
...but that kind of mental space did not just come overnight. It took a lot of self-work, spending a lot of time in meditation, getting up-close and personal with my feelings, and a big dose of realisation to make me realise that it was down to me to make my journey with HA as pleasant or unpleasant as I liked, because what was happening on the inside (and by inside I mean the inner world of my beliefs, emotions, mindset) was truly being reflected on the outside.
Your mindset changes everything, so taking a little self-reflection sometimes and taking stock on how you are approaching situations can be a really powerful tool to help shift towards inner peace - because who wouldn't want that?
Waking up each day and feeling at peace with your journey and your body is a billion times better than still being at war with yourself.
So, here at some of the most profound things that helped me find inner peace during my HA recovery:
Do not rely on external things for your happiness. No money, weight goal, relationship, designer handbag or beachside mansion will bring you happiness (long-term) if your value and worth lies in these. I was the typical kind of girl who would use the saying 'i'll be happy when....' - for me of course, this was totally aesthetically related. I truly thought I'd be happy when I reached a certain weight or could lift X amount of kg, but surprise surprise, whenever I got there, the goal post kept on changing. Letting go of these external attachments are a big part of finding inner peace as they can show up in so many forms, one of the biggest being social media. We are all guilty of scrolling through Instagram and comparing ourselves to the edited versions we see online, wishing we could be somewhere else (or worse, someone else) - but for as long as you are thinking this way, how can you be truly happy with who you are? The best way to let go of these external attachments is to spend more time focusing on the internal. By this, I mean getting still and focusing within, whether it's through some form of meditation or simply taking time for yourself with NO distractions. You will be surprised just how quickly things can come to the surface if you just get still enough to listen.
Feel all the feels. You don't have to bury your emotions in order to be at peace, in fact, it's quite the opposite. So many of us believe that if we simply choose to ignore an emotion, it will go away but all this is really doing is allowing that emotion to stay within the body and not pass through and this can later blow up out of nowhere or manifest itself as physical pains or aches within the body. Next time an intense emotion comes up for you, don't internalise it. Drop into the feeling, allow your body to do whatever it needs to do to work through it and then let it go. It might feel painful at the time, but you'll notice that the next time you're in a similar situation, it suddenly doesn't feel so bad and you know how to move on from it and take a quicker route back to inner peace.
Live in the now. You might be thinking, how can I do this, surely I'm always living in the now? And maybe you are - but if you are anything like I was, the now was the last place I ever wanted to me because sometimes the now can be uncomfortable. Do you spend time thinking back to how your body used to be? Do you put the old version of yourself on some kind of pedistal, only remembering the 'good' things? Do you compare this version of yourself to a version of yourself from a year or maybe even two years ago? If so, then this is living in the past. Are you always waiting for the day that your period will come back? Thinking about how long your recovery will take? Are you always chasing the next thing? If so, then this is living in the future. Neither of these places are the now, and ultimately, the now is all you have and all you will ever have. Comparing to any other point in time is taking your focus away from how you are feeling in this present moment, and it is in the present moment that the most transformation and healing can take place. So get comfortable with the discomfort and start LIVING!
I hope this brings a little more inner peace and calmness into your journey.
Charlotte x