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How is it December already?
This year has certainly flown by, which is crazy seeing as it feels like I've been doing a whole lot of nothing being in Lockdown for the majority of it. But with Christmas fast approaching, excitement seems to be spreading like wildfire! Christmas dec’s are going up (arguably slightly too early 😉), Secret Santa's are being purchased, egg nog lattes are everywhere and it feels like everyone is doing everything they can to bring as much joy and magic as possible to the end of 2020.
Having a complex or restrictive relationship with food can be especially tough over the holidays. Having spent the majority of 2020 healing my relationship with food, exercise and regaining my period after years of chronic energy deficit, this will be my first Christmas in a long time ‘restriction-free’. Whilst I am so excited to be fully present and enjoy this holiday season, this time of year can be undeniably difficult for those coping with an eating disorder, and challenging for those in recovery.
I spent so many years foregoing the office advent calendar chocolate, ignoring my cravings for mince pies, restricting myself if I knew I would have a big social event involving food, heck I even went on a run on Christmas morning to mentally ‘allow’ myself to eat Christmas Dinner!! If I “over-indulged” it bought about SO much guilt, and I spent evenings locked away in my room feeling isolated instead of celebrating with my family and loved ones.
Unlearning these habits and feelings is not easy, and the added social obligations and extra amounts of food during the holidays can add pressure and bring about feelings of anxiety, shame and guilt, especially to those coping with any disordered relationship to food and exercise.
No one should ever feel this way, especially not at Christmas!
So here some of my top strategies and tips for dealing with the festive season:
1. Give yourself permission. This is an important one, as giving yourself permission shifts your whole mindset when entering the festive season. If you start the holidays with any goals of sticking to your usual exercise routine, or “healthy” ways of eating, as soon as you fall off your ideal bandwagon, you are going to be hit with guilt and this could lead to further feelings of anxiety, restriction or control as you make mental allowances to get yourself ‘back on track’. Giving yourself unconditional permission to eat all of your favourite holiday foods whenever you want and however much you want will take any pressures and restrictions off from your Christmas and helps you to not obsessively think about foods.
2. Be compassionate to yourself. It's ok to feel overwhelmed during this time, but having compassion for yourself and your decisions is so important. Remember how strong and brave you are for tackling this - it might not be easy, but learning to stop judging yourself and start forgiving yourself is fundamental. There is no perfect way to handle the holidays, so show up for yourself with love and kindness after every decision you make.
3. Set up a support system. Having a friend, family member or partner who is familiar with your feelings can help support you through holiday/social events and facing situations or meal times that you find overwhelming. Alternatively, speaking to a therapist or nutritionist can be valuable in helping you cope with strategies to alleviate any stress you have.
Taking deep breaths and practising mindfulness can help reduce stress around social situations or meal times.
4. Have a plan. This might sound counter-intuitive, and although going with the flow around the holiday’s sounds ideal, in most situations, I find having a plan can help mitigate anxiety you may feel around holiday events. It is ok to plan ahead and do things that make you feel most comfortable for example:
Deciding that you will face one fear food a day, and setting a time and safe space for you to do so.
Taking gentle walks or planning an activity after a meal to take your mind away from any feelings that follow from eating.
Setting a daily meditation practice.
Do not engage in diet talk or anything that you find triggering. Instead, decide to excuse yourself from conversations and focus on positive statements instead such as, “I am strong and I know I can do this, today I choose recovery’.
Serving food as a buffet rather than a sit-down meal to take the pressure off.
5. Don’t label any foods as “good” or “bad”. Nothing about holiday foods are ‘unhealthy’, and if food brings your joy then put that right at the top of your list! Holiday foods connect us to culture, traditions and loved ones. Sharing food is a deep expression on love, it creates bonds and memories that last a lifetime. It creates joy, excitement and tastes amazing so challenge the inner food police and diet talk! Feeling guilt, shame and anxiety about eating are usually more harmful than the actual foods.
6. It's ok to say “No”. There is a natural tendency to try to be everywhere and see everyone during the holidays. With copious amounts of Christmas shopping, parties, catch-ups with old friends, it is easy to over-commit or over-extend yourself which can lead to feelings of stress or anxiety. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE THE CHRISTMAS SEASON PERFECT. Don’t be afraid to say ‘No’. By being completely honest with yourself and putting yourself first, you can preserve your time and happiness by making your schedule as stress-free as possible. 7. Set healthy boundaries. It is important to make note of anything you may find triggering or makes you feel uncomfortable. Once you are aware of certain situations, you are able to set healthy boundaries around them. For example, choosing not to engage in diet talk, or leaving functions/parties early will allow you to re-learn how to care for yourself.
8. Amp up your self-care! Increasing self-care around this time is a sure-fire way to ease holiday stress, decompress and evaluate. Be gentle and do nice things for yourself leading up to the holiday festivities. Take a bubble bath, put on your holiday music and wrap presents, meditate and practise your deep breathing exercises. Regardless of the activity, do something that makes you feel good.
9. Take it one day at a time. Try not to look too far into the future or worry about something that has not, and might not, even happen. The only thing that is ever worth focusing on is the NOW. Enjoy the presence (and the presents!) and make the most out of spending time with loved ones, relaxing by the fire and watching the third re-run of the Grinch!
10. Have fun. You deserve to have fun this year, and you’re too special to miss out on making any more memories! Regardless of what plans you make for the holidays, make sure that you give yourself the freedom to have fun, and enjoy your friends and family. All too often, we allow our eating disorder to control us, and our mood, leaving us feeling defeated and overwhelmed. All food is fuel for your body and what you eat does not define who you are.
For those of you who may have a loved one who is affected by an eating disorder, it is important to remember that food-related situations can be stressful and the pressure can be even greater during the holidays. Remaining calm, loving and supportive during this time can help take some of that pressure off.
Whatever you are experiencing and wherever you are in your journey, there will come a time when food will no longer prevent you from enjoying the holidays, but as with anything, healing takes time and there is no rush to get there. Taking small, compassionate steps can help you navigate this holiday season with more ease and self-love!
Love Charlotte
xxx